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Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Is Nudeism a religion?
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`