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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in