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I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.