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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.