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My safe word is letsgetmarried.
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.