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Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
TEIAM - problem solved
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data