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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
The secret to success is in my bra.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.