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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?