Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.