Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
it`s friday o clock
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"