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If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.