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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”