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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.