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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.