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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
I believe in love at first episode.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.