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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
This recliner and I go way back.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.