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SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.