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At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.