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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...