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"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
when in Rome get naked ;)
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.