Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.