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Smooth move.........ExLax
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.