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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes