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I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Line forms here for spankings