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I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.