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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Don`t waste my timeline.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.