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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.