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I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
is available for rebound sex.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome