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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.