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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!