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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.