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Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
My pants are 75% off.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...