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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.