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All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.