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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.