Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.