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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.