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Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time