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What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
drink beer ?? save water
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.