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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...