Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.