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My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Hello is this HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.