Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.