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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!