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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
This status has been censored by Facebook
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|