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Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?