Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
How long does it take to get obsessed?