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Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
I make a great second impression.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.