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I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of