Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Better late than pregnant.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.