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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
I make a great second impression.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.