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Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I fake my LOLs
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.