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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
People say laughter is the best medicine, but Iād like to think a beer is the way to go.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.