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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....