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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."