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The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.