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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.