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Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!