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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
In space they just call it "Jam"
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!