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The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective